


In Solitude

by ONeillwith2ls



Series: Episode tags [4]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s01e18 Solitudes, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22800553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ONeillwith2ls/pseuds/ONeillwith2ls
Summary: He hate this part of his job. The inevitable conclusion that he would wind up in the infirmary, wires and casts attached, immovable for the time being but soon take solace in another. Was he ever really alone to begin with?
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Series: Episode tags [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652002
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	In Solitude

**Author's Note:**

> As always these characters are not mine, they belong to the good folks who own Stargate.  
> And I have no Beta, all mistakes are my own!  
> And feel free to comment on this, or any of my fictions.
> 
> It is a Jack and Sam fiction but its also very early on. I think Jack has some sense of who Sam is already but all the same its very early on and I don't think he knows where to place her.
> 
> If you don't know this is placed some time very soon after Solitudes. Episode 18 of Season 1. 
> 
> Thanks folks!

I hate this part of my job. The inevitable conclusion that I would wind up in the infirmary, wires and casts attached, I’m immovable for the time being, Doctor Fraser at least has been good enough to put me in a private room, away from preying eyes but I’m still stuck.

I don’t have much to complain about at least. I’m warm and in a lot less discomfort then when I had almost been impaled with the ice (alright that didn’t actually happen, but it was damn cold!) but at least I had Sam...

Damn Carter! Most of the time I had been lucid enough, helpful at times despite the young captains objections. Damn strong women! I’d thought in the midst of my objection to her objections, then again, my head is still shaking. I _love_ strong women!

And this was the part I most loath, in the warm infirmary. Being left with nothing but my thoughts and my own feelings.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she was there. Her quick thinking, her drive, her ability to actually move was imperative to keeping us alive. Any dismay in the situation was clearly down to her lack of experience, something I have in abounds. So between us we made a good solider. I sigh because I know what my next thought will be, in time she would have experience and she would certainly make a better colonel then I will ever be, one day in her not so distant future, she would have no need for me. Yup, there it is.

Damn it! Damn strong women! I bite my lip in frustration. Strong women don’t need men, but I know! Every man, well this man needs strong women, well I love strong women!

See I slipped up on the ice. I feel my lips upturn at the joke. She would have smiled, maybe dipped her head. Carter...

I called Carter, Sara.

I’m lying here now, wondering how Sam would have taken it.

I was pretty out of it at the time, on the edge of reality. Tethering between life and death, but I still felt my feelings and this one was familiar to the end of the world.

The feelings I felt in those moments before death were the feelings I had only ever before felt for my ex-wife, and her name was Sara.

I told Sam about those feelings, how it had carried me through Iraq.

They did. Never ever mistake it, the reason I made it out of Iraq alive was the thoughts and feelings I had for Sara. She was my shining light in the dark. My salvation and I made it home for her.

It wouldn’t be terrible under the circumstances to call out for your ex-wife. Even for me to call out for Sara, it was normal and natural.

Despite the cold despite the internal bleeding the broken leg... that splint ouch! Doc Fraiser said she’d done it better then some med students for a first time... anyway despite all of that I felt.

I was safe, I was being taken care by someone whom I trusted. She doubted herself, but I knew, I knew she’d save us. I knew I was in a cocoon safe and loved, by a tall blonde blue eyed strong woman. So when Sam lay beside me cuddled me up to keep me warm, the feelings she stirred within me were feeling which only Sara had ever stirred in me before.

See, I hadn’t called Sam Sara because I thought she was Sara.

I called Sam Sara because Sara was the only person I had ever associated those feelings with, any of those feelings.

I called Sam Sara because those feelings I felt for Sam were just as strong as I ever felt for Sara.

And what’s bad about it, isn’t that she’s my second in command or that we’re both part of the military as if that wasn’t bad enough.

No, I felt as though I was cheating. Not on Sara, I know my marriage is over, I know the divorce is final I know that no amount of love could heal the gap between us, a gap about the size of Charlie, it was never going to heal, it never could heal.

I felt like when I called for Sara and meant Sam, that I was cheating on Sam.

Samantha Carter with her uber strong feminist ways. Walking into the meeting room with legs up to her ears, head held high and so incredibly hot!

Samantha Carter who when held captive by men who “dressed her pretty” stood up for the rights of the women, and quite frankly kicked ass, so incredibly hot!

Samantha Carter, who had backed me up against a locker door and _that_ kiss! _Those_ kisses, her lips so firm and certain under my lips! So incredibly hot!

Samantha Carter, who confronted her ex-fiancé a man she had a horrible history with, controlling manipulative... how could anyone have that sort of power over her kick ass hotness!?

Samantha Carter, who figured out about my immune system after I ate that damn cake on Argos! So damn hot smart!

Samantha Carter, the woman vulnerable enough to sob her heart out on my sleeve when she thought we had left Daniel behind... god! It felt good! But strong enough to take back the base from brainwashed men and Hathor take a handful of women and _still_ outwit everyone! Hot!

Samantha Carter gentle and loving enough to carry a child and care for her and strong enough to go back and hold the child through what she thought would be her death. A child which had quickly wormed her way into my heart! Where would I be without Cassie!?

Samantha Carter, smart enough to keep up with the arrogant Tollans!

Sam, my Sam!

**_But never my Sam._ **

“Hi Sir!” she breezed into the room with her mega watt smile.

“Hey S-Urg Um Carter.” I manage to reply. “How ya doing?” I say to her sounding a little slurred from the drugs Fraiser gave me.

“I’m okay,” she said her smile softening to a gentle one as she looked at me “Few bruises here and there and I twisted my ankle in my last slide down, but its not even a bad twist.”

“Swaggering around before I even get the cast off huh?” I say to her a smile playing at my lips.

“Something like that Sir.” She replies. She seems to be struggling with her words for a moment, the look on her face intense. I’ve seen it before when she’s been working with her doohickies like she’s trying to work out what it is or what it does, I wonder if she’s trying to formulate a sentence together. She looks terrified, more scared then I saw her look on the ice when she thought we were going to die. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

I smile at her. That’s what she was so afraid of saying?! Admitting she was glad I was okay. “Couldn’t have done it without you.” I tell her honestly, and then we’re still. She’s standing looking at me with those wide blue open orbs. “You’re a damn fine officer Carter” I tell her where a flash of uncertainly crosses her face before she quickly disguises it. “You know that don’t you Carter?” She shifted uncomfortably. “Carter...” I start.

“I would have given up.” She blurted. I stare at her in amazement. “I would have given up without you pushing me on.”

I swallow at her words, I feel an unfamiliar stirring in my stomach. “Its a learnt behaviour.” I tell her before she starts shaking her head “No, no, Carter it really is, you know what we do in black ops, you know if we get captured, or die trying, you know.” I remind her.

“Yeah.” She acknowledged.

“You make those decision Carter, you don’t even notice you’re doing it, but you make them.” I shrug “Like with Cassie, and Hathor and you’re damn smart Carter.” I tell her. She chews on her bottom lip and I think she looks adorable “What makes the difference between a Captain and a Colonel is experience and not giving up.”

She smiles a little before she adds “and not leaving people behind.”

My face breaks into a smile “That we don’t.”

Carter nods and says quietly “I’m sorry you were.” I look at her surprised “In Iraq. I know that much about your service sir, I’m sorry you were left behind.”

I take a deep breath “Not your fault.” I tell her.

“I won’t.” She says quietly again. “I can’t imagine giving up on you.”

“It wasn’t that simple.” I remind her, although it was, Cromwell **had** left me behind.

There’s a silence again, all I hear are her tiny breaths my god she means it when she says “I won’t forget this mission sir. I’ll remember it as a time it seemed impossible, yet it wasn’t. I’ll always find a way to bring you home sir.” 

I take a huge sigh as I look into her eyes, huge in earnest they look back at me. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I’m not.” She replies equally as quietly, “I mean it.” She tells me a little smile appearing on her lips “Always.”

I take a deep breath and see she’s brought a bag in with her “What’cha got there Carter?” I ask her changing the subject.

“Oh this?” she said with a smile. “Well you know how we have the backpacks stuffed with survival stuff when we’re out there and there’s always a time it comes in useful?” she asks me to which I nod. “Well this is the infirmary survival kit.” She said proudly holding it up.

I chuckle as she hands me the bag “A survival kit?” I ask her.

“There was one time, not here at the SGC but before where I was taken into hospital for a couple of days and I was bored out of my mind! Completely and utterly mind numb bored, so I made a list of all the stuff I wish I had brought with me or had for someone just to bring to me.” She tells me. I open the bag and pull out a slinky giving her a confused look “I may have amended it a little for your entertainment rather then my own.” She admits.

I smile and sit up as much as I can putting the slinky down on the table in front of me. I turn the bag on the table and I’m pleasantly surprised. A deck of cards, a yo-yo, a big book of crosswords along with a pen a tiny magnetic game of chess along with a few snack items including chips, chocolate bars and diet coke. “You can obviously add to it or take away. I didn’t think Scientific America was quite your kind of magazine but I sure wasn’t buying...” I look up amused at her thinking, I never really got off on dirty magazines, it seemed a little demeaning towards women and my mother had always taught me to treat even a stranger of the opposite sex as if they were one of my sisters. It was so ingrained in fact that by the time I was old enough to enjoy dirty magazines I turned to the first picture and my minds eye I saw my sister, it kind of turned me off it... forever. “um what I mean is, you can add to the bag to your tasting, mine has in my spare laptop so maybe you might like to add a Gameboy in there or whatever... I keep mine in my locker so all I need to say is to pick it up out my locker to someone when I get bored in here.”

I smile widely “Carter, this is really thoughtful.” I tell her “and really appreciated.” I add.

“That’s okay.” She said a full megawatt Carter smile on her lips reaching her eyes, she was lapping up the praise like a hungry kitten. “I just, I know what its like. In the Solitude of your own mind.”

Then we pause. She looks at me with a gentle fondness and I’m glad all over again she found her way onto my team. No I never asked for her, I probably would never have chosen her to be on my team, but she keeps doing the unexpected.

“I better go sir, I was only stopping by.” She said quietly.

“You can stay if you like?” I offer “Play some chess with your CO.” He said with a smile “I’m drugged and impaired you might be able to win.” She looks conflicted before I add “and so I’m not in Solitude anymore.”

She looks up and straight into my eyes and she smiles “Alright, but I’ll warn you I won’t go easy on you just because you’re drugged.” She says picking up the chess game as I put away the other items from the bag.

“I wouldn’t expect you to Captain.” I smile.

“And don’t go easy on me either sir.” She insisted.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I smirk.

“I’ll know if you do sir.” She teased back.

“I’ve got a few moves that could surprise you yet Captain.” I remark, it coming out sounding extremely flirty, well shit.

“We’ll see sir.” She quipped back sounding equally as flirty, which makes me smile.

I smile and I wonder, I know there’s a word for when two solitary things come together but I can’t remember what it is, but right now, it doesn’t matter, because whatever that word is, that’s what Carter and I are, not in solitude, together. 


End file.
